My Life in Shambels: January 2011

recent email of a friend of mine to a socially incompetent acquaintance in dire need of things to ask on a first date:

1. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle or the end?

2. What is your favorite part of the body and why?

3. Why can’t you get a tan on your palms?

4. What do you like to eat to cheer yourself up?

5. What kind of puppies do you hate the most?

6. Pen or pencil?

7. Do you scream on roller coasters?

8. Do you like music?

9. If you were a geometric shape what would you like to be?

10. Can you imagine making love to me and eating strawberries and grapes?

11. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

12. What’s the difference between having sex and making love?

13. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

14. Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

15. If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

16. If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

17. If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

I wanted to help too so mine was as follows...

I think some of these will help you weed out the....weeds.

1.) Do you have cats, if so, is it because you were emotionally unfulfilled as a child?

2.) How big is your p"ssy? (ask for specific dimensions)

3.) Did you used to be fat in high school?

4.) If you were a Jonas brother, which one would you be and why?

5.) What are your thoughts on besatiality?

6.) Do you pee with the door open?

7.) Was there any weird part of your body you had to wax before meeting me here.

8.) On a scale of 1 to 10, how tight are my pants. Be honest.

9.) Conservative or liberal?

10.) Spit or swallow...don't mess this one up.

11.) If you had a sexual encounter with a lunchmeat, would condom-ents be involved.

12.) Do you habitually suffer from yeast infections.

13.) You've got this, right?

My Life in Shambels