The Bachelor

This week, on the Bachelor, AshLee discovers what true love is, (but still not how to spell her name), Sean is still blonde and more wine is drank in a field.  Everyone looks up to their dad still and we cry about it because that’s what you do when you’re thinking about how awesome your dad is – minus Catherine, her dad is batshit crazy but that gives us something else to cry about.    We’re all scared and in love and walking dogs and shit.  So far, so good. 

AshLee then tells her parents at dinner that she fucked Sean at the beach and the word “intention” is thrown around a lot  at the awkward after  dinner porch accosting by mom and moustache.  

Yeah, Sean.  The parents that let their daughter get married at seventeen really give a screwdriver if you propose now. 

Now moustache is making me cry because he says some legit shit and the cute ass dinner table they have set up in the park makes us all mad we weren’t foster children on The Bachelor. 

Up at bat is Catherine.  Her sisters blow but no one is worried because we all already know she won.  She’s fun and pretty and always has some story about how sad her family is and let’s be honest—that tan won’t quit.  She brings out Sean’s “silly” side and who doesn’t want to see a seven foot basket of happy being ridiculous in a fish market.

Okay, it’s official. Sisters on The Bachelor are hands down the. Worst.  These broads have been sippin the jelly juice at this trainwreck of an introduction and everyone can just back off because Catherine has the best tan and that is the end.

Can’t wait for Dez’s hometown because her brother sounds bitchier than those Hawaiin wannabe stepsisters at Catherine’s. 

 Then Lindsay comes and...who cares...